Why I can't Blog today

I wanted to blog, but I'm too tired. I got up and ready for work but as I was leaving CaDiva called out the back door with some plans regarding HRH's birthday tomorrow. I turned in time to see the cat trot out the door. CaDiva was still in her nightgown so she couldn't chase her. So I had to...well chase is really...incredibly really, loosely used here.

I chased...well followed her around my house not once but twice. She didn't even have the decency to trot. She ambled along completely disregarding the fact I was following her around and around the house. It was kind of insulting actually. I never got within arm's reach of her even as she crossed out of the yard and into the neighbor's yard. Up the neighbor's stairs. Did I happen to mention the neighbor's yard is basically a cliff side dwelling? I mean we aren't talking the pre-Colombian cliff-dwellers or anything like that, but I started up the stairs only after she started to relax on the stoop. Just as I got near the top she decided to cut through the railing into the side yard.

Well, I can't exactly fit through the railing and while I could have considered hopping it, that wasn't really going to happen. I climbed back down the stairs and worked my way down to the front walk. This is a cliff after all and I couldn't actually get over the retaining wall any better than I was going to hop over a wrought-iron railing. I started my trek up the not-really gently rolling slope of their front yard. It was at this point I discovered the boys next door have a serious ground squirrel problem. Picking my way through the moonscape that was their front yard, I shook the treat bag and said here kitty, kitty, get your little fuzzy butt over here you little... well this is a family blog so I will leave that part of my conversation to your imagination.

I got close to her, close enough to hope. I put some treats on the railroad tie retaining wall but she just smiled at me and said, "I have been watching out the window for months. There are birds and ground squirrels and all manner of beasts here for me to hunt and devour. I don't need your stinking Friskie's hairball treats. Thank you anyway." She is a snide little feline.

At this point she left me to go up on the porch again, through the same wrought iron railing, and then over to our yard again to see if I would follow her. Ok, but what if I had been able reach her, so yes, I followed her. Fortunately I didn't get very far before she came back to find out why the neighbor's min pins were barking at me through the open window. I walked slowly up to the house as she peered in and I probably wouldn't have caught her except she was startled when she heard the neighbor suggest the little yippie dogs  "JUST SHUT UP!" Did I happen to mention the neighbor works nights?

Well at this point I grabbed the cat by her handle. She told me that hurt and I told her I didn't really care. When I got her in my arms, she attempted to shred me to pieces with her over-sized but declawed front paws. CaDiva swears she heard the foul-mouthed little witch call me everything but feline as I carried her under my arm across both yards. Failing to shred my flesh, she bit me and then attempted to give me the finger as I handed her back to CaDiva. CaDiva, however, jumped to my defense when she carried her back into the house and scolded her fiercely before giving her a time out. Did I mention CaDiva is pussy-whipped?

This is why I am a dog person. They may run off but they are not rude about it.